How to get FAT

I have over 25 years experience on how to get fat and maintain it.
So I guess that makes me an expert! I mean I did make it to 1/4 of a ton 
on my 5 foot 6 inch frame. So that has to be some kind of skill right.
So with all that experience I figure I should share that.
In this page I am going to give you a break down of how I was
able to make my self 330 pounds over weight and easily maintain it.

1.   Food it really matters. 
If you want to gain weight eat quick processed foods. Such as Fast food, tv dinners, microwave foods, you know like frozen burritos, mini tacos, pot pies, Pizza, cookies, and on and on. Also make sure the ingredients are right, Fructose or sugar should be in the top 5 and while we are on ingredients make sure there is a ton of them that you have no clue what they are. We will call these Factory food because they come from a factory. The great thing about factory food is they are addicting. You will know when you are in the zone and hooked real good when you can eat a whole lot of something, like killing a pizza buffet, a whole sleeve of Oreo's (or the bag for that matter) until you are sick to your stomach. But then it hits you, YOU ARE STILL HUGRY!!! How great is that with factory foods you can eat till you are sick and still be hungry. How do they do that you ask well they make sure there is very little you actually need in factory foods (AKA no nutrition) so your body thinks it still needs food because it has not gotten any nutrition. NOW that is great thinking. Thank you FDA for even promoting this way of thinking and feeding.
Make sure you keep that sugar and fructose ect. in the top 5 because, Look here what sugars and fructose can do for you.    

2. Do as little as possible.
I mean lets be real if you do too much you can not gain weight.
You should try and keep your walking to a minimum 100 - 200 steps a day is an ideal max.
For the real serious start a business at home so all you have to do is wake up and walk to your desk.
have all your meals there or in bed and to shake things up in front of the tv on the couch or recliner.
Only getting up to use the rest room. As a real pro (and a man) Keep a pee jug close so you do not even have to get up. Cutting your bath room breaks to #2's only.
Also make sure your meals are delivered to you. standing and cooking will burn calories. If you must cook make it processed food with quick heat times and try and time it on a bathroom break so you can keep that walking and moving time to a minimum. Efficiency is key work smarter not harder. 

3. Make sure you have bad sleeping habits. 
A good nights sleep can give you unwanted energy the next day causing you to want to move. So you got to keep that crap at bay. 
Make sure you stay up late. Watch an extra movie or two. (Bring on the popcorn , extra butter and sodas)
This one gets easier as you go once fat enough you will get sleep apnea as well as you will just hurt from being fat making it very hard to stay in bed more then 5-6 hours at a time. So when you have to get up keep a comfy chair at your desk in your room so you can sit and watch netflix for hours on end. 

4. Eat on the go or in front of the tv/pc
This is key, You can eat so much more if your attention is on something else. I mean you can devour a whole bag of chips and a frozen pizza or two before you even know it. Eating on the go is great because ---------- YOu guessed it FAST FOOD whoo hooo. Now we are talking. Ordering can be tricky but your server will help you along the way. That double Q pounder meal please, "Yes sir and would you like to super/king/jumbo size that today". Why yes I would!!! Now the next part is key and take advantage while you can, "Would you like anything else with that?" Well since you asked I will take that wrap thing I am trying to watch my weight and a frosty/ ice cream shake, "And what size would you like that  frosty/ ice cream shake thing?" Well super duper size that one also. 

5. Stay away from water.
Water can really put a damper on your success to fathood.  We all know that pop is the drink of choice for your success in becoming supper obese. But wait there are now better drinks for you to choose to reach that kingdom of super fathood. 
Baskin Robbin’s Large Heath Bar Shake (32 oz)
2,310 calories
266 g sugar
108 g fat (64 g saturated) 
now this one is a real winner just one drink and you are already over your daily calorie allowance. But don't stop here.

BEER yep not only can it super charge your weight gain you get drunk as well.
a 12 pack of some beers will stack on 5400 Calories and 600 carbs. Dogfish head 120 min ipa is a great place to start but other beers are great as well. like Sam Adams, steel reserve and many other small craft beers other Alcoholic beverages are good as well. 
Now the trick section. 
Energy drinks! ya it is kind of an oxymoron but you have to trust me. These hi cal drinks give you some energy to start but then they make it to where you need them to be awake at all. How great is that needing to be dependent on your calories!!!
Now the real sneaky one. This one will make your friends and family think you are trying to live healthy and right but OH NO not this calorie packed pure sugar. JUICE yep that is right ORANGE juice is the best but others work well too!!! Drink them by the gallon to be the Healthiest Fat Man on your block!!!!

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